Dick Gumshoe: Daring Detective
by ClassyContraption
Summary: What if Phoenix just BARELY made it through law school? What if Gumshoe was a legendary kick-ass detective? A world of diversity that would never happen in the real games!
1. Ch 1: Turnabout Detective, Pal! Part 1

Dick Gumshoe: Ace Detective

There is a world. A world where a spiky-headed defense attorney just _barely_ made it though law school. A world where a certain meek officer throws away the Blue Badger's face and begins cuffing criminals. And most important of all: a noodle-loving scruffy detective becomes a legendary kick-ass police detective in the homicide department. This is Dick Gumshoe's story.

The scruffy detective slurped away at his instant noodles as he watched old reruns of Doraemon. He knew it was a kids' show, but isn't everyone just a little kid on the inside?

The telephone rang on the other side of his apartment. Letting out a heavy sigh, the ace detective stood up and set his ramen on the table.

"Hello, pal?" he asked. He was tired because he had to arrest a suspect at the Fey and Co. Law offices the previous night. "What is it?"

"Detective Gumshoe?"

"My voice should be enough to convince you who I am!" he snapped under stress. "I can tell who _you_ are, pal!"

"I'm sorry, sir!" the voice at the other end trembled. "It's just… Mr. Edgeworth requested to see you at his office!"

Gumshoe sighed once more. "Thanks, Meekins. Sorry for snapping."

"I understand, sir!" Gumshoe heard the ringing of a megaphone on the other end. "You have a lot on your plate, Mr. Gumshoe-sir!"

Gumshoe hung up to avoid further ear damage. He tossed on his old green trench-coat and started out the door. He paused, and looked at the ramen on the table. He looked at his watch, then the ramen again. He turned back and placed the ramen in the microwave so he could heat it back up upon getting back home. Even though he was an ace detective, his job still paid peanuts. _Inedible_ peanuts, to be precise.

.

[September 6, 10:34 PM]

.

"I'm sorry to call on you so late, Detective," Edgeworth bowed.

"It's no problem, pal," replied the detective. He felt a sharp pain behind his bloodshot eyes, but he ignored it. After all, there was clearly work to be done.

"You're probably wondering what this is about."

"Let me guess," the detective covered his eyes in pain, but continued, "there's another murder. Another suspect. Another client for another defense attorney. And more importantly, another win for _you_ if I do my job right. This is the case concerning the death of that lady; Mia Fey, right?"

"You're getting good at this," Edgeworth picked up a file from his desk. "I may just see to it that you're given another raise, my good detective."

"Don't give me a raise for a predictable outcome, sir," he sighed. "There's no merit in that."

"As good a work ethic as always," Miles acknowledged his friend in the trench-coat. "I'll keep my eyes open for reasons to give you one."

"As expected, sir."

"Anyway," the red-garbed prosecutor opened the file, "it's as you said. The victim is Mia Fey. The autopsy states that the cause of dead was by beating with a blunt object; much like that hollow statue we found."

"I don't envy those forensic scientists," Gumshoe scratched his head. "They have to _dissect_ a corpse to find something to blatantly _obvious_."

"You can never be sure," Edgeworth wagged his finger, and Gumshoe sighed at the old mannerism. "We determined that no drugs or anesthetics were in the victim's system."

"Have the officers found anything at the scene?"

"Officer Meekins found the phone of the office in an odd state," Edgeworth explained, holding up a sheet of paper and lightly backhanding it. "It had been _unscrewed_, and a few wires were loose. Being such a hazard, the good officer unplugged it immediately."

"You think it was wiretapped?"

"What else?"

"So why exactly did you call me down here?"

"To give you a case-briefing for your testimony in court tomorrow," Egdeworth replied.

"Hold it!" the detective mimicked Miles' habit of pointing at the objectionable person. "Why haven't I been told of this!"

"You just have been," Edgeworth answered.

"Objection!"

"Overruled."

Knowing there was no way around the 'overruled' word, the detective sighed.

"So what is there to brief?"

"The caller, Ms. April May, claims to have seen the whole crime unfold. She claims to have seen the victim's sister, Maya Fey, bludgeon her to death."

"I kinda figured that out myself."

"The defense attorney, who will be defending the victim, is a rookie known as Phoenix Wright."

"He was in the room with the victim around the time of death," the detective argued. "If he had the chance to alter the evidence, he isn't eligible to defend the girl."

"This is a fanfiction of a video game, Detective," Edgeworth, once again, wagged his finger. "Logic in that detail doesn't exist here."

"I always forget."

"Since you seem to be aware of the facts, let's get your story straight."

"Edgeworth, sir," the detective said solemnly, "I want you to promise me something."

"Oh?"

"Don't go tampering with the evidence, okay? If you get found out…"

"Remember, Detective," the man with the frilly suit countered, "_I'm_ the one who has the most authority over your paycheck."

"…Yes, sir," the detective sat down on the couch below Edgeworth's framed uniform. It was the suit he wore to is first case, and it had _extra_ frills on it.

"I'm so glad we're on the same page."

"If that's the case…" the detective looked up at his superior, "you should know I gave Mr. Wright the first copy of the autopsy."

"That'll be out first attack."

"At least this move won't be _illegal_."

"The verdict is _guilty_," Edgeworth gazed out his window with his arms behind his back. "_That_, I'm _sure _of."

END CHAPTER ONE

...

Author's Note:

Hey, this is Napshot64 here! I hope the first chapter pulled you in enough to the point where you'll keep reading. I promise, as one fanfiction-lover to another, that it only goes _uphill_ from here. Writing court-sequences is my recent specialty, and making Wright look like an idiot is going to be fun!

I was inspired to write this fanfiction when I heard Gumshoe's (orchestrated) theme on Youtube. If you find the right video, you'll see a comment that mentions an alternate universe where Gumshoe kicks ass, and Wright barely passed law school. The username is 'Mastervaati,' but I promise you that's _me_; an old name I used when I made an account.

One more thing is that I can't make any promises as to deadlines or the length of each chapter. I have to attend school, and I have law classes coming up in a few months, so I'll be busy. I spend most of my free time writing, however, so that doesn't necessarily mean that updates will stop occurring.

So please rate, comment, review, or whatever you do here. I'm new to the site, so I'm not sure how it all works. I hope to see you all in Chapter Two!


	2. Ch 2: Turnabout Detective, Pal! Part 2

Chapter Two

The flatfoot stepped into the prosecutor's lobby and awaited his call to the courtroom. He took a few migraine pills he'd kept in his pocket, but the musty atmosphere countered it all. He sighed.

"Sir!" Mike Meekins darted into the room with a covered bowl in his hands. "Good luck in your testimony, sir!"

"What's this?" the detective looked puzzled as he observed the hot bowl the officer carried bare-handed.

"You won't be called in for a while, sir," the officer handed the detective the bowl, "so I figured you would appreciate some instant noodles… _sir_!"

"Thanks, pal," the detective openly accepted the ramen. He didn't eat it because it was affordable. He ate it because it was his favorite food. The low price was only a bonus; he'd have kept buying it had it been the highest-priced item in the supermarket near his apartment.

"'Pal?'" Meekins swooned over the title he thought he'd been given. He had the misfortune of never catching Gumshoe on a good day, so he'd never heard him say 'pal' before.

"What flavor is it?" the good detective asked, slurping away at the commoner's food.

"It's the chicken flavor! It's your favorite, right sir?"

"You've done your homework, pal!" the detective was uplifted by Meekins' gift. "How'd you know?"

"It's the only flavor I've ever seen you eat, sir!" Meekins inappropriately shouted through his megaphone.

The door to the courtroom burst open. On the other end, there was silence.

"Am I in already?" the detective asked with a mouthful of noodles.

"Mr. Edgeworth instructed me to tell Meekins to '_keep it down_!'" the bailiff hissed.

"Sorry, everyone!" Meekins shouted through his megaphone once more.

With a sigh, the bailiff closed the door. Gumshoe only caught a glimpse of the defense attorney, who sweated bullets. He only really noticed his hair.

The detective pondered the idea that the defense carried a porcupine on their head, as he chugged the broth of his personal delicacy.

"Would you like more, sir?" the officer asked openly.

"Nah. I shouldn't eat too much before a trial," the detective had no idea why a full stomach would affect his performance, but he always took this precaution just in case.

"Ah, yes!" Meekins pounded his palm. "Didn't that great detective, Sherlock Holmes, once say that you work better the hungrier you are, sir?"

"I've never really read the book," the detective scratched his head, "though I probably should. I _do_ have a few of them somewhere…"

The legendary detective was interrupted by a certain pink woman who stepped into the prosecutor's lobby. Naturally, it was Miss April May.

She didn't wear her plastered smile at this time, however, and Gumshoe figured she did this because she didn't notice the two officials (that being Gumshoe and Meekins) in the room.

"White didn't say I'd have to _testify_…" the woman hissed.

"'White?'" the detective thought. "I don't remember reading about a 'white' anywhere in the file Mr. Edgeworth gave me…"

Miss May then noticed the two officials, who pretended not to notice her. She shook her head, and then wore the smiling face once more.

"I'll have to look into a 'White' later," Gumshoe scribbled this on his yellow notepad, which he slipped into his pocket.

"Detective Gumshoe," the bailiff cracked the door and whispered, "you've been called to the stand."

.

.

.

"Witness," the perfect prosecutor commanded, "state your name and occupation."

"My name," the detective said calmly, "is Dick Gumshoe, and I'm the detective of the homicide department of the local precinct."

"Very good," the judge said. "Mr. Wright, do you need a repetition?"

"N-no, Your Honor," the spiky-headed attorney sweated.

"Are you sure?" Edgeworth asked. "We had to remind you that you forgot your pants and your badge earlier…"

"I'm _fine_," the defense attorney reassured.

"May I testify now?" the detective asked. "About the defendant's arrest? We have hard evidence to present, and I'm getting impatient."

"Very well," the judge nodded. "Detective, please proceed."

.

GUMSHOE'S TESTIMONY:

THE ARREST OF MAYA FEY

.

"As soon as the phone call came in," the detective raised his finger, "I rushed to the scene. There were two people there already: the defendant, Ms. Maya Fey, and that spiky-haired lawyer over there, Mr. Phoenix Wright. I immediately arrested the defendant here, Ms. Maya Fey. As for why I didn't also arrest Mr. Wright, we had a witness account describing the attacker. The witness saw Ms. Maya fey at the very moment of the murder. "

"Hold it!" the newbie lawyer shouted.

"Is it necessary to yell that so loud and point at me?" Detective Gumshoe asked. "It's rude to point. Hasn't your mother taught you any manners?"

"Ack…!" the attorney began to sweat. The detective knew by looking into his eyes that he was comparing the personalities of the prosecutor and Gumshoe. "…I mean… is _this_ your so-called 'hard-evidence,' detective?"

"Nope."

"Then…!"

"Witness," the judge said.

"You mean 'detective', Your Honor."

"Yes, I mean, Detective," the judge said. "Please testify about this 'hard evidence.'"

Edgeworth shot Gumshoe a smarmy smile, and the detective nodded in reply.

.

GUMSHOE'S TESTIMONY:

HARD EVIDENCE

.

"After searching the suspect," the flatfoot testified, "I examined the scene of the crime _myself_. I found a memo written on a piece of paper next to the victims' body. On it, the name 'Maya' was written on it clearly in blood!"

The detective paused to assure there were no questions. The defense attorney searched through his briefcase in search of contradictory evidence.

"You'' have the chance to scream 'objection' _soon_, pal," the detective thought, remembering the first attack Edgeworth had planned.

"Lab test results showed that the blood belonged to the victim," Edgeworth assured.

"Objection!" Wright shouted, pointing at Edgeworth. "Your Honor, Mr. Edgeworth's statement just now… _clearly_ contradicts this piece of evidence!"

Wright pulled the autopsy report from his suitcase.

"…It does?" the judge asked. "I can't say I'm quite sure how."

"…Neither can _I_…" Wright realized he was wrong. "I think I accidentally hit the wrong button…"

"Button?" the detective thought. "He talks as if he's playing in some sort of _video-game_!"

"Objection _overruled_," the judge shook his head. "Try to think things through more _clearly_ before making accusations, Mr. Wright."

"That sure didn't score me any points with the judge…" Phoenix mumbled.

"Continue, detective," Edgeworth crossed his arms.

"There was matching blood found on the victim's finger," the detective said. "Looking at the facts, one could assume that the victim, Ms. Mia Fey, wrote the message _herself_."

"Objection!" Wright shouted again.

"Finally," Scruffy McTrenchcoat thought with a sigh. "_This_ is the right statement."

"The autopsy report shows that Mia… I mean… the victim, died _immediately_!" Eight-bit music began playing with the last word.

"Mr. Wright!" the judge fumed.

"Yes, Your Honor?" the defense said with a cocky smile.

"Why did you kick that jukebox below your desk?" he asked. "What did we say _earlier_ about character themes in the courtroom?"

"Sorry, Your Honor…" the attorney crouched down and turned off the concealed music-player.

"…What do you have to say to this, Mr. Edgeworth?" His Honor asked.

"I have a question for the defense."

"Oh?"

"_When_ pray tell, did you get that copy of the autopsy report?"

"Hm… the day after the crime, if I recall," Wright rubbed his chin.

"That report," the prosecutor opened both arms and shook his head, "is _outdated_."

"Whaaaaaat!" the attorney's jaw dropped, and his chin raised high.

"That's right, pal," Gumshoe held up the updated autopsy report that the forensics had given him just last night. "A more detailed search has been made. We've found that the victim may have lived for a few more minutes before death."

"…You're a _sham_, Edgeworth!" Wright cried. "What's happened to you? You used to be an honest person, but now here you are _forging evidence_!"

"The defense will refrain from making personal remarks against the prosecution!" the judge shouted.

"If you doubt this document," Edgeworth wagged his finger, "then you're welcome to call the forensic scientist in question to the stand, but I may warn you that on such a short-term notice, she will likely not be able to make it. Should the trial be prolonged (which I doubt), she will likely be able to join us tomorrow."

"The defense's objection is overruled," the judge nodded. "Mr. Edgeworth, you are not doubted."

"Dammit, Edgeworth…" Wright pounded his desk, and Edgeworth laughed at his incompetence.

"Is there any more, detective?" the judge asked.

"No, sir."

"I have another witness," Edgeworth bowed. "Ms. April May, who claims to have seen the whole thing unfold."

"Very well," the judge nodded. "I'm calling a ten-minute recess. In that time, the prosecution will prepare their next witness. Court is adjourned."

END CHAPTER TWO

.

...

I hope this chapter is enjoyable so far! I used real lines from the game in this case (for the testimony and the 'You're a Sham, Edgeworth!' portions.)

In the next chapters, you won't hear April May's testimony, since Gumshoe won't be in the courtroom. Instead, I plan for Gumshoe to question Ms. May about the case, as well as this 'White' character. So if you think you know these cases from the game, think _again_, pal. You're in for a whole new perspective, _chock-full_ of instant-noodles.

On an unrelated note, I was making some hot chocolate with some year-old cocoa, and it just tasted like hot water with marshmallow. I've tried it with milk, and had a similar experience. Does anyone know how to make it work, or did I break the chocolate? Note that I have a love of coffee and chocolate, for I'm probably going to write those two foods into this fanfiction somewhere...


	3. Ch3: Turnabout Detective, Pal! Part 3

Chapter Three

The detective had left as soon as his testimony ended. Edgeworth recommended that he stay, but the flatfoot didn't like the mustiness of the courthouse, so he said he'd read the files later. With a reluctant sigh, the red prosecutor let the good detective have his way _this_ time.

.

Now the detective is at the front door of the Gatewater Hotel. He laughed at the pun the game-writers had made; it was an anagram of sorts for the 'Watergate Hotel'. The detective stepped into the lobby carefree, for he had left the scene in the hands of the trusty Officer Meekins.

"Welcome, sir," a bellboy bowed. "You're Detective _Gumshoe_, aren't you?"

"What's it to ya, pal?" the detective was anything but friendly. He wasn't here to have a good time; just to question and observe.

"Miss April May said she knew you'd come by, sir," the bellboy headed to the elevator. "I'd be honored to show you to her room."

"It's about time," the detective muttered, "that someone _cooperates_ with me…" Taking off his jacket in the overheated room, the detective tossed it over his shoulder and followed the employee. When the bellboy asked for his coat, Gumshoe instantly denied. His coat had most of his police-things on it and whatnot.

.

"Oh!" the pink-haired lady with the revealing shirt clapped. "This is so _cool_! It's just like on TV!"

"You know what I'm here for. I'd like to start by asking you a few questions."

"Certainly."

"At that time did you see the whole thing go down, miss?"

"I don't remember," she looked up in thought. "I just rushed to the phone to call the cops!" She 'tee-hee'd, and the detective sighed. He hated bubbly characters.

"Does the phone not have the time displayed on the screen?" the gumshoe worded it as politely as he could.

"Ooh!" Miss April May starred right into the detective's soul. "Such _big words_! It _is_ like on TV!"

"I'd better not say anything to distract her, then," the detective thought, pretending to write something on his notepad. "And were you here alone?"

Miss April May's eyes shot to the right for a split-second, then she said: "Yes, that's right. All alone."

"You're lying," the official's words were sharp and blunt, and they took the pink woman by surprise.

"What?" she asked, trying to keep a smile. Her left upper-lip twitched. "_Prove_ it, Scruffy McTrenchcoat!"

"I haven't heard _that_ insult in a while," the detective reminisced.

"Prove it already!"

"When people lie," Gumshoe held up his finger, "they glance to the right; unconsciously triggering their right brain. This is done when people need to make up a story on-the-fly, and it's a common factor among _liars_."

"So what?" she asked, smiling once more. "Maybe my contact needed shifting!"

"_Both_ of them?"

"Why not?"

"…Is there anyone who can prove you were in the room?"

"Yep!" the woman's words pestered the detective. He despised her attitude to his deepest core. "The bellboy who brought you here! He brought me some iced tea just before I made the call!"

"Hm…" the detective actually _wrote_ something this time. "Maybe I'll speak with _him_ next…"

"May I look out the window?" he pointed to the window-wall.

"Sure," April May said. "I've got to go to the kitchen and make myself a nutrition shake. You want one?"

"…Sure," the detective said, gazing out. He decided the office was perfectly visible. Using a camera in his coat pocket, he snapped a photo. He figured Edgeworth could use that in court tomorrow.

He didn't really want a nutrition shake, mind you. He wanted to buy time to look around the room alone.

He quietly opened drawers on the cupboard. The first thing he found was a notepad. On it was written 'White' and a seven-digit number. Without hesitation, the detective snapped another shot. He closed it without touching another thing.

In the second drawer, he found something else. A little black plastic box with wires poking out of one end. Knowing what it was, the detective took it out and got pictures of it at multiple angles. The pictures were only a precaution, however, because he slipped the evidence itself into his pocket. He didn't worry, for he had taken steps to assure he hadn't left any of his own prints on it.

"Here you go!" Miss May entered the room with the two shakes, as Gumshoe quickly but quietly slammed the drawer shut. "Any more questions, Mr. Detective?"

"Just one," Gumshoe said suavely. "Miss May, _who_, pray tell, is White?"

The heart-shaped buttons on her shirt turned upside-down to become spears, and her face turned to a pure evil expression.

"Where did you hear his name!" she snapped.

"From _you_," Gumshoe said, manning his ground. "You muttered the name 'White' just before your testimony. I heard you say it in the prosecutor's lobby."

"…I plead the fifth!" she managed to spit out.

"You've already told me that 'White' is a 'Mr. White,'" the detective continued. "If that's all I'm going to get out of you, then so be it." The detective turned and started off. He felt the cold nutrition shake thrown at his back. Had be been _wearing_ his _jacket_, he'd have had her head taken off. And had Edgeworth cover for him.

"…Mr. White did it, didn't he?" Gumshoe's words took the pink-haired woman by surprise. "You wouldn't be so protective had he been irrelevant."

Gumshoe turned to the silent woman and pointed directly at here.

"The truth is out there," he said with a raised finger. "Once I find it, I'll get to the bottom of this whole mess. _That_, I _assure_ you." The detective sat down on her couch, then stood back up. A green spot of nutrition shake had formed on the couch where he had sat down. "Oops," he said sarcastically. "Sorry. I wasn't aware I got it all over the back of my shirt. I'd get scrubbing if _I_ were you, pal." He left without another word.

.

"Meekins," Detective Dick Gumshoe slammed the door of the Fey and Co. Law offices open.

"Sir!" the officer cried through his megaphone. "We've inspected every nook-and-cranny of the scene, sir!"

"And did you back up the recording on that cell phone?"

"As ordered, sir!"

"Good," the detective took the pink cell-phone the officer handed him. "I have another job for you."

"Yes, sir?"

"Look up this number and find me an address," the detective ripped a page from his notepad. On it was White's number. "I need it _pronto_."

"Got it, sir!" the square-chinned officer saluted his superior. He took the paper, and was off for the local precinct.

Just as Meekins left, another familiar face entered. Phoenix Wright, or as the detective called him in his head, 'Phoenix _Wrong_.'

"I need Maya's cell-phone, Detective Gymshoe!" he begged.

"…" the detective glared straight into the eyes of the porcupine-headed attorney.

"Please…?"

"Here," the detective dropped the phone he had just obtained into the hands of the attorney. "Look, pal. I'm on a tight schedule. I know you're going to ask me pointless questions about things that have already been made apparent so far in the game. And it's no use asking me about Edgeworth; you already know him, but the writers of this here game decided a little character development was in order. _I_ know that _you_ know that Edgeworth was in your class in grade school, and he inspired you to become a defense attorney after defending you in a class trial concerning stolen lunch-money. Now we're not supposed to know that yet, but I'm sure this saved the players a lot of wasted anticipation, because it's the world's lamest back-story, ya know?"

"…I have to go to the Grossberg Law Offices now…" he pointed to the door. "Excuse me!" He darted out the door.

"…I think I just spoiled most of the game's storyline in one paragraph…" the detective thought. "Sorry, readers, but you shouldn't be reading this if you haven't even played the game yet!"

It was then that Gumshoe's phone went off. It was Meekins.

"Hello, pal?"

"Sir!" Meekins' megaphone screeched on the other end. "Mr. White, sir! He's the head of that huge company: Bluecorp! The address is one-twenty-two Oak Street, sir!"

"Thanks, Meekins," the detective said, hanging up to avoid further ear damage. "One-twenty-two Oak Street, huh…?"

END CHAPTER THREE

.

…

.

Napshot64 here! I've been writing a chapter a day so far, each one being three pages on Microsoft Word. I just wanted to let all of my fans (that being about two-and-a half, because one's disabled from the waist down, as far as I know) know that chapters won't roll in this frequently during the weekdays. In fact, I might forget to write the next weekend, so if you keep reviewing, I'll remember. I check my email most every day, so don't think it won't be any good!

Anyway, I tried to stress on Gumshoe's serious personality today, and I think I did a good job. My best capture of him was when he got nutrition shake all over April May's couch… on _purpose_! *Gasps*

Though Meekins' personality is the same, in this story, he's a very reliable officer. Unfortunately for me, however, I've run out of ways to make characters either stupid or smart, so any ideas are welcome! I'll even give credit at the bottom of the chapter they're first introduced into, if your idea is funny or diverse enough!

I hope to see you in the next chapter, pal! Don't forget to bring instant-noodles!


	4. Ch4: Turnabout Detective, Pal! Part 4

Chapter Four

Looking up, the hero of our story spotted Bluecorp's office building. A blue man holding a blue Earth stood tall and firm at the top of the structure.

"This guy must have a bigger ego than Manfred von Karma's!" Gumshoe laughed, as he kicked open the doors. Before entering, he glanced at his notepad. He had the affidavit written by the bellboy, claiming there was another man there, and that he'd know him if he saw him again.

Finally, the detective stepped in. "Scuze me, where can I find Mr. White?"

"No, I'm _telling_ you, you whoresome, flapper-eared _knave_!" the pink-haired man screamed into his cell-phone. "Add the word 'Abso-posi-lutely' to the world dictionary _immediately_! No, I don't care how much trouble it will cause! I know what you did behind your wife's back! …Yes, that's right. It's spelled a-b-s-o…" White looked up at the green-coated detective. "…I'll have to get back to you. Excuse me." He pressed the 'end' button on his phone and sat down. "May I help you, sir?"

"Were you _blackmailing_ someone?"

"We were practicing lines for a musical. I can certainly see how you came to that conclusion, however."

The detective, having no proof, gave up on the matter.

"So what brings you here, my good flatfoot?" he asked, his arms loosely spread open. "I assure you, I have everything you need!"

"I have a question for you about April May," the detective cut right to the chase.

"Ah, yes. She's been a long-time employee with Bluecorp."

"Is that why she tapped the victim's phone?"

"Excuse me?"

"I know what kind of company Bluecorp is."

Redd White gulped.

"You're a detective agency of sorts," White sighed at the detective's answer. "But you're more based on _gathering information_. Tell me, did you have Miss April May tap the phone of the late Mia Fey?"

"I beg your pardon, sir, but we of Bluecorp don't go about our business via illegal activity," White replied, showing off his _horribly_ reflective rings. "If what you say is the truth, then I'll have Miss May fired _immediately_."

"So you're denying it?"

"Of course."

"Why so protective?"

"If _you_ were wrongly accused of, say, _murder_, would you go around claiming you've done it?"

"No."

"Case closed, then," White laughed. "So is that all you're here for?"

"I haven't finished yet," the detective said. "Were you in the room with Ms. April May when she called the police? Be careful what you say; I have a lot of evidence in my beck-and-call."

"…Yes, as a matter of fact, I _was_. Do you have an issue with that?"

"Miss April May, according to my files, plainly stated she was alone. Now _you_ tell _me_. Is there a problem with that?"

"Yes, of course there is! She committed _perjury_!"

"But why?"

"To keep me out of it," Redd White stood up. "I have nothing to do with this _bludgeoning_. I didn't even _see_ the thing happen!"

"…I never told you that the victim was _bludgeoned_," the detective observed. "I'll have to keep a note of what you just said…" Gumshoe was interrupted by a blow to the left cheek. His vision flashed for a second on impact, then he rubbed his cheek.

"What are you going to do?" White asked. "Charge me with _assault_ of a law official? In the end, it will be _you_ who is found guilty."

"Excuse me!"

"The law, politics, world-leaders…" Redd stepped around to the other side of his desk, "they're all my _toys; _my _playthings_. I have… _'information'_ on _all_ of them, and they'll do whatever I say if it means their secrets are _safe_."

"You…" Gumshoe pointed, "…Your company is based on _blackmail_! You _were_ blackmailing the man on the other end of that call!"

"So what if I _was_? Everyone will believe you, but no one would _dare_ speak up. I have dirt on judges, prosecutors, defense attorneys…"

"What do you have on Phoenix Wright?"

"His hair is really a sleeping porcupine that feeds off of the souls of children."

"Everyone already knows that, pal."

"Touché, my good detective."

"You're a _bastard_, pal!" Gumshoe slammed the wall with his fist. He tried as hard as he could to tough-out the pain in hopes of looking badass. "I'll see to t that you get the _death-sentence_!"

"…" White pressed a button on his desk. "Hello, Ms. Lana Skye?" White whispered to Gumshoe: "she's the head of the prosecutor's department, or whatever it's called."

"White?" a woman's voice replied. "What is it _this_ time?"

"I've decided," White said, "that I'll be appearing in court tomorrow."

"Why the change of heart?"

"Because I _witnessed_ the crime, and the prosecution has the _wrong person_," White said. "The _true_ killer… is standing _right in front of me_! His name is Dick Gumshoe, in the event he kills me before you manage to send the authorities."

"I'm sending the top officers right away, sir!" the woman's voice said, as the call ended.

"There's no hope for you, my good detective," White shook his head. "It's game-over. Checkmate. King me. Yahtzee. Capice, Signor Flatfoot?"

"You're _wrong_, White," Gumshoe said calmly. He barely managed to keep his temper. "I'll see to it that the truth of this puzzling mosaic is revealed; even if it _kills_ me, pal!"

"…I've only just _met_ you, and your words impress me, Detective Gymshoe."

"Why does everyone call me 'Gymshoe?'" the flatfoot thought.

"Together," White gestured towards a statue of himself holding the globe, "we could control the world, 'pal.'"

"Hey!" Gumshoe cried. "That's _my_ endearing character trait! No deal, pal!"

"Freeze!" the familiar voice shot through the megaphone. The doors burst open, and who should come through, but Officer Meekins? "Nobody move!"

"…_This_ is the force's best officer?" White asked.

"You'd be surprised."

"Am I to assume the entire force consists of a bunch of bumbling idiots?"

"He may sound and appear like one, but he does his job well and honorably."

"…Detective Gumshoe, sir?" Meekins lowered the gun he held. "Did the criminal get away?"

"No, he's right here," White pointed to the detective. "He's the murderer of Miss Mia Fey."

"…I'm sorry, sir," Meekins said, "but I'm going to have to take you to the precinct."

"I understand," Gumshoe replied. "I'm not going to resist, but I promise you I'm innocent."

"That's what they _all_ say!" White laughed heavily, and the detective growled. "Lock him up and _throw away_ the key!"

END CHAPTER FOUR

…

It's me again; Napshot64. I decided to do two chapters today for the heck of it, 'cause I don't have a life to get back to. :P

I've decided to put 'Gymshoe' in Wright's metaphorical 'shoes' for a moment (haha, wordplay is fun…) and have him accused upon confronting White. Now that Maya is instantly off the hook, what do you think Phoenix will do for the good Detective? Whatever you're thinking, you're probably wrong. Remember, he's being put in _Phoenix's_ shoes (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge). If you haven't been able to even get a foggy idea of that I'm talking about, then just join me next time for chapter five! Ciao!


	5. Ch5 Turnabout Detective, Pal End of Ep1

Chapter Five

"I came as soon as I heard," Phoenix Wright sat on the other end of the glass window. Yes, Gumshoe was in the detention center. "I understand that you need an attorney?"

"That's right. Why?"

"Let me defend you."

"No way, porcupine-head," the flatfoot casually brushed his offer aside. Phoenix pulled an anime fall.

"But _why_…?"

"Three reasons," the detective held up three fingers. "One: Your hair gets on my nerves. Two: you're a horrible defense attorney who just slipped by the exams in law school. And three: your hairs gets on my nerves."

"One and three are the same…"

"What was that?" Scruffy shot Trite a glare.

"…Nothing," the spiky-haired lawyer sighed.

"I'm not sure why you'd even _consider_ defending me, though," the detective said with a sigh. "The only other time I met you, I treated you like crap."

"I became a lawyer… so I could defend people in _your shoes_, Detective Gymshoe."

"I know. Remember, I explained your entire back-story the last time I met you."

"I forgot…" he rubbed the back of his head. The detective cringed, for the bare palm of his had against his hair _had_ to hurt. "So is that the reason you won't let me take your case?"

"No," Gumshoe said once more. "It's just… White told me that every lawyer was another one of his _pawns_. Even though I _know_ you, I'm sure he has you on some sort of leash. He probably asked you to offer your services to me so you could purposely lose the case, right?"

"Phew," Phoenix sighed. "That saved me a _lot_ of explaining…"

"He threatened to tell about your soul-eating porcupine, didn't he?"

"…You will tell _no one_," Phoenix said.

"Only if you let me defend myself in court."

"It's a deal."

"I'm so glad we're on the same page."

"Agreed."

In the detention center, the detective slept and dreamt. He dreamt of himself in Edgeworth's position behind the prosecutor's desk, instant-noodles, Doraemon, and more instant-noodles. Yeah, it was a nice dream, and it was just what he'd need to cool his head for what would await him the coming morning.

[District Court, Courtroom No. 9]

His Honor banged his gavel heavily, and the noise rang through the musty courtroom. The jury was silenced. After all, they didn't want to say anything that could anger the great Redd White of Bluecorp.

"Court is in session for the trial of Dick Gumshoe," the judge announced. "…Mr. Gumshoe, are you sure about this? I mean, _defending yourself_?"

"I'm quite sure, your Honor," the detective's confident aura lit the candle of hope in the hearts of White's victims, who sat and watched silently. "And I'm quite sure that I don't want any 'special treatment' from Mr. Edgeworth over there."

"You don't have to ask twice, Detective Gumshoe," Edgeworth said, "as long as you treat me the same."

"Very well," the judge nodded. "Mr. Edgeworth, your opening statement, if you will."

"Let's skip the opening statement today, Your Honor," the prosecutor said. "Everyone in the courtroom, no, the _courthouse_ knows the situation. Instead, I'd just like to call my first witness."

"Very well," the judge nodded. "Would the honorable witness please step forward?"

"'Honorable?'" Gumshoe thought. "Oh, boy…"

The pink-haired man flashed his jewelry; nearly blinding the people of the court.

"Your name and occupation, if you will," Edgeworth said, nearly stumbling over his words.

"Redd White, of _Bluecorp_!" the witness replied in a jolly tone accompanied with a laugh.

"And what would you like to testify about?"

"My witness account of Detective Gymshoe killing Ms. Mia Fey!"

"If that's the case," Gumshoe said, "then this trial should be for 'Mr. Gymshoe,' not 'Mr. Gumshoe.'"

"Same-difference, m'boy!" White snickered.

"If you'd please give your testimony, Mr. White," the judge cut in.

"Of course, Your Honor-tude!"

WITNESS TESTIMONY:

GYMSHOE DID IT

"Let's see…" White looked up, "it was about nine, I believe. I was quietly perusifying… er, that's 'reading' to you, some papers by the window. Then, I heard a bedlam coming from outside! Surprised, I turned to look at the building across the way."

"Hold it!" Gumshoe interrupted. "Didn't you tell me the other day that you didn't see anything?"

"Yes, I did say that," White was confident, and the good flatfoot didn't like that. "But I just remembered it this morning."

"I see…" the judge nodded. "Continue."

"He even has _this_ judge siding with him!" Gumshoe thought with a little perspiration.

"It was then I saw him: a big, scruffy man wearing a green jacket attacking a woman with long hair! Needless to say that man was none other than _you_, Mr. Gymshoe. I called Miss May over at once. She, too, was surprised of course. The victim, she… she ran away, but you gave chase!"

"Hold on a sec, pal," Gumshoe stopped him. "Can you be more _specific_?"

"Certainly," White looked up in thought. "The victim ran to the left, and you gave chase!"

"Objection!" Gumshoe pointed to Mr. White, who was shocked by his loud but scruffy voice.

"Excuse me?" the judge asked.

"I read up on yesterday's trial," the detective said. "Miss May stated that the victim headed for the door! The _door_ is to the _right_, pal!"

"So we have a _liar_ on our hands," Edgeworth crossed his arms and tapped his fingers.

"Tell me, Mr. Gumshoe," the judge had his gavel at-the-ready. "Which one is telling the truth?"

"…_Both_ are, Your Honor," Gumshoe stood the way Wright did when he was confident; with both wrists on his hips.

"Objection!" Miles slammed his palm to his desk. "Detective, that's _absurd_!"

"You limit your train of thought," Gumshoe said. "Only when your tracks spread across the world may your train of thought travel that far."

"Then _elaborate_."

"Gladly," Gumshoe said. "You see, the two saw the crime from _separate vantage points_."

"Excuse me?"

"Allow me to show your with the floor plans presented in yesterday's trial," Gumshoe placed the photo onto the courtroom's projector. "Miss May was right here," he said, pointing to the window of the Gatewater hotel. "And Redd White…" Gumshoe pointed to where the killer was marked to be, "was right _here_!"

"W-what!" Miles slammed the desk once more; this time with a look of frightened-anger on his face. "You're a _madman_, Gumshoe! That's where the _killer_ was standing!"

"Exactly."

The crowds went off into a fit of chatter.

The judge banged the gavel.

"I assure you," Mr. White said, "that I was _not_ in the Fey and Co. Law offices on the night of the murder."

"Would you care to explain?" the judge asked. "In another testimony?"

WITNESS TESTIMONY:

SHE RAN TO THE "LEFT"

"Miss May's testimony was on-the-ball, as was mine! When you attacked Miss Fey, she first ran to the left. You hit her once, and then she ran to the right. You gave chase, then ended it with a second blow. See? You hit her _twice_, my good detective!"

"Objection!" Gumshoe shouted. "The autopsy report clearly states that she was hit by a _'single blow to the head_!'"

The crowds went into more chatter, but the judge ended it with his gavel.

"Mr. White!" His Honor cried. "Please, elaborate!"

"Well… I…"

"Hold it!" Miles Edgeworth interrupted. "Your Honor, may I ask for a short recess?"

"No way!" a voice from the crowd cried.

"Make him testify!"

"He's hiding something!"

"White is a poopyhead!"

"Heh…" Gumshoe thought. "It looks like they're all on _my_ side…"

"Wait, I got it!" White pounded his palm. "Your Honor, if you'd let me testify once more…"

"Certainly."

WITNESS TESTIMONY:

THE TWO ACCOUNTS

"Umm, well, see – I looked at the other window when I heard that thing fall…"

"Hold it," Gumshoe said, this time at a more appropriate volume. "What is this 'thing?'"

"A glass light stand," White replied confidently.

"Is this important?" the bearded judge asked.

"It is _quite_ important," the flatfoot, who played lawyer, said with a smile. "After all, the light stand was broken beyond recognition! And to boot, it was outside the vantage point from the Gatewater Hotel's window!"

"Well…" White said, "I've seen it there before."

"But you can't see it through the window…"

"Isn't it about time you confessed to your crime?" Edgeworth asked White.

"Huh?"

"About the _wiretap_, I mean."

"…Ah, yes," White regained his confidence. "I was in there before. The week before the murder. I entered the law offices to place the wiretap. I saw the light stand then."

"Well, Gumshoe?" Edgeworth asked. "Any objections?"

"Naturally?"

"What!" Edgeworth slammed the desk with his fists.

"I'd like to present the quote-unquote 'dying message,'" Gumshoe handed the memo that said 'Maya' on it.

"You're looking at a _penalty_ here, Mr. Gumshoe," the judge warned.

"Your Honor, if you'd please turn the receipt around," Gumshoe said.

"Hm?" the old-timer turned and read it aloud. It was a receipt for a light stand, and it was dated the day before the murder.

"Well, White?" Gumshoe asked. "Are you going to confess now or _what_?"

"Guh…" White gasped for air.

"Your Honor, I request another day to investigate!" Edgeworth shouted.

"Not good," Gumshoe thought. "Since His Honor is in White's favor…"

"Objection!" a familiar voice shouted. The courtroom doors burst open, and porcupine-head shot through the aisle holding a CSI bag in-hand.

"Mr. Wright!" the judge asked. "What is the meaning of this!"

"If you would please let me read something aloud," the blue-garbed attorney said, "then I will leave you all alone."

"Does it concern this trial?"

"Very much," Phoenix reached into the bag and pulled out a piece of parchment.

Wright began reading names; some familiar and some unheard of. Gumshoe recognized the names of a few politics and world leaders.

"S-stop…" White interrupted Wright, who wasn't even half-way down the list.

"Hm?" Phoenix looked up.

"Stop! I've had enough!" Redd White grabbed his head and pounded it to the podium. "I give up! _I_ killed Mia Fey! It was _me_! _Ego iuguolo_!"

"Before we bring this trial to a close," the judge said, "I have one question for the defense."

"Yes, Your Honor?"

"What was Mr. White's motive?"

"_I_ can answer that, Your Honor," Wright stepped in. He handed the judge a thick file. "This is a file concerning the DL-6 incident; it concerned Mia Fey's mother. Redd White had destroyed her mother's reputation, so she studied up on him. Knowing she was hot on his trail, White had to silence her."

"I see…" the judge nodded. "If that is the case, this court finds the defendant, Dick Gumshoe… not guilty." He pounded his gavel. "Court is adjourned.

"Mr. Edgeworth, sir!" Gumshoe reported to the prosecutor's lobby, where he was coldly ignored by the student of Manfred von Karma. "I'm terribly sorry for beating you, but I couldn't just let myself go to jail…"

"To think I was going to give you a _raise_…" Edgeworth said. He turned to face the detective. "Gumshoe, from this moment on, you will refrain from calling yourself a 'detective!'"

"What are you saying, sir?"

"You're _fired_, Gumshoe," Edgeworth said. "After your next paycheck, you will have no job."

"Sir, that's not fair…!"

"Perhaps I'll promote Officer Meekins to 'Police Detective…'" Edgeworth pondered the idea, and it nearly brought the rock-hearted detective to tears.

The spiky-headed defense attorney stepped outside of his newly inherited office with his newly inherited assistant, Maya Fey. They were on their way to get burgers, but they paused to look at the once-empty building next door. Officers were painting away at the blank sign above the large window, and the name 'Gumshoe' was written in white on the windows itself.

"What's… going on?" Phoenix Wright asked.

"Hey, pal," the scruffy detective approached the attorney. "You're probably wondering what this is."

"Like _Hell_ I am."

"Edgeworth fired me for breaking his 'perfect-win' record," the detective sighed, "so I'm opening a private-detective agency."

"Next to my _law offices_!" Phoenix turned pale. He stopped moving.

"Poke, poke," Maya said, lightly tapping the ghost-white Wright. He slowly fell to the ground.

"How 'bout I invite ya over once it's done?" Gumshoe asked. "I'll treat ya to some _instant-noodles_, pals!"

END CHAPTER SIX/END EPISODE ONE

Napshot64 here.

This is my longest chapter, and my third one written today. Don't worry about Gumshoe; I promise you he'll be back to his old self in a few episodes (That's right, this isn't your ordinary fanfic, but a _series_!). I have nothing else to say for the day but that I need to get to sleep… See you in Episode Two: Turnabout Samurai, Pal!


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